RSS Thursday Thirteen #19–13 ways to cheat outrageously at NaNoWriMo
Filed in NaNoWriMo2007
My 2007 NaNoWriMo novel has not exactly flowed. I made the very bad mistake of not scheduling a daily hour of writing, and then one day I was seven thousand words behind with nowhere for the plot to go and no enthusiasm for it, either. Somehow I was expecting the story to just come pouring out wonderfully like all the rest. It was not to be, and since I am stubborn about this project and determined to win, I have needed to resort to some outrageous cheating techniques.
With less than ten days to go, you may need them too.
- Have a character be a blogger and write a Thursday Thirteen meme about cheating at NaNoWriMo.
- Have a character participate in NaNoWriMo and frequently refer to it as National Novel Writing Month (four words). They can even quote excerpts of their own novel so you can make forays into different genres if you get bored.
- Remove all (letter-replacing) apostrophes, with search and replace if necessary. I’m = I am; they’re = they are, etc.
- Have a character be an avid fan of your blog, and quote your own blog posts at great length. “Hey, look what Linda Raven Moore just wrote! Let me read it to you…”
- Describe someone at ridiculous length, from top to toe, down to the last button and bit of fluff on the collar.
- Make excessive use of adjectives: the wonderful tasty glorious splendiferous flavor of pistachio ice cream.
- Give a character a liking for singing; quote entire songs complete with choruses. O Bla Di, O Bla Da is a good one. Do not attempt to publish or self publish your novel with the lyrics still in.
- Give all characters double names like Mary Anne.
- If desperate, give all characters double-barrelled surnames, too, and
don’tdo not hyphenate. Example: Mary Anne Fossington Gore. Always refer to the character by all available names. (Fantasy novels are particularly good for this; too bad I’m not writing one about Conanna the Lady of All She Surveys Including The Little White Rabbit or She Who Must Not Be Named Except Maybe on the Third Sunday in March.) - Make sure that all hyphens, em dashes and ellipses are surrounded by a sea of spaces not…like…this but … like … this. You get extra words like that … see?
- Write angst-laden notes to yourself about how horrid your novel is and include them in your word count.
- Include plot notes as part of your word count.
- Write out all numbers in words. Especially sneaky is to write a daily summary of words written, words due and words to go. Example:
Day one goal: One thousand six hundred and sixty seven words
Words already written: three hundred and forty six words
Words to go: one thousand three hundred and twenty one words minus a few that I just wrote
So, what are your favorite word count bolstering techniques?
Links to other Thursday Thirteens!
1. (leave your link in comments, I’ll add you here!)
The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!
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42 Comments, Comment or Ping
nicholas (17 comments.)
#3, Not in reported speech, surely! Then again, if you have to cheat, is it worth it? Happy TT.
Nov 21st, 2007
Linda R. Moore
Yes, it’s worth it. Sometimes it can add a few hundred words. This is important when you’re scrabbling to keep your hands on the rim of the cliff you’re falling off. ;)
Nov 21st, 2007
windral
My novel is about a guy writing a novel for National Novel Writing Month. I earned that word count padding merit badge early on.
Does the cliff you’re falling off of have any relation to Brooks? Just asking.
Nov 22nd, 2007
pussreboots (156 comments.)
I’ve done about half of the cheats you listed at one time or another. This year though I haven’t felt the need to “cheat” as much as I have in previous years. Even years seem to be the ones where I am just able to write and not worry too much about word count. Happy TT. Mine is about a recent game of mini golf.
Nov 22nd, 2007
Linda R. Moore
Hello Windral! It did occur to me that Cliff Brooks and the cliff might have something in common.
In this story, the vampire main character, who is a no-kill vampire, accidentally kills Cliff, or so she thinks. He’s a vampire hunter and she can’t bring herself to think he deserves it. It turns out, however, that his death was only faked to manipulate her into doing something else. He ends up being her human guardian. I’m doing my best to take up Dylan’s challenge about exploding, too.
Nov 22nd, 2007
Linda R. Moore
That’s cool! It might be the same for me–my first NaNo was really easy, but this one has been a struggle from day one.
What do you do with your finished novels? How many have you done so far?
Nov 22nd, 2007
cjmr (2 comments.)
This would be one of the reasons I’m not trying NaNoWriMo. I’d feel compelled to do all sorts of things to make the word count, even if the story wasn’t 1) any good any more; or 2) going anywhere.
Nov 22nd, 2007
pussreboots (156 comments.)
So far I haven’t done anything with my finished novels. When this month ends, I’ll have four nano novels: two of which just need some basic editing to be “done” and two which will need more work to be done. I also have two and a half other novels I’ve written but haven’t done anything with yet.
Once Ian is done with his PhD and we are more permanently settled I plan to actively pursue publishing.
Nov 22nd, 2007
Aline de Chevigny (1 comments.)
LOL I’ve never thought of any of those LOL
Great TT
Aline
Nov 22nd, 2007
Joely (6 comments.)
This is my first year trying NaNoWriMo, but I did Fast Draft (51K in 11 days) back in March. However, that “first draft” — I hesitate to call it that because it’s so rough! — still sits on my harddrive. I didn’t want to do that with this novel. It’s too cool an idea! So I’m trying really hard to get quality words. I do make [notes to myself] like this though, especially when I throw something new into a scene that I know never existed yet! Good luck hitting your goal!!
Nov 22nd, 2007
shiera (2 comments.)
haha!
I’d probably follow your tips if I ever decide to join a contest like NaNoWrimo!
Nov 22nd, 2007
iamthediva (1 comments.)
thanks for visiting my suspicious Meme
If only i had read your cheat notes before i had given up on my novel … but i plan on cheating next year by using the novel i started this november. :D
cheers
Nov 23rd, 2007
Joy Renee (2 comments.)
hmmm. i was, until this past week, keeping my notes and scenes scrupulously separate but when i discovered that was one of the things actually blocking the flow of words because i often need to prime the pump by starting out writing about the story instead of writing actual scene elements. i’ve no more time to cut and paste between notes and scene windows and no more time to waste worrying whether something is a scene or a note about a scene. also no more time to stop and think about or look up words to choose exactly the right one so i list all the possibilities that come on the fly. and if i am in a quandary as to which is the best way to compose a sentence? i try multiple ways and leave them all in.
i’m working on a scene right now where a prof is teaching Dante’s Divine Comedy in Italian and reading aloud from the text and then having students do the same. I’m thinking about pasting some of that text in. but wondering what would be fair ie how many students? how many lines per student?
i’m also thinking about going thru at the last hour and splitting every word over 7 letters into two because i do tend to favor the longer words. but if the program they use counts keystrokes and divides by five to find word count that would be a moot exercise.
well i suppose i should stop wasting time wondering about such things and get back to work.
good luck and thanx for visiting.
Nov 23rd, 2007
Linda R. Moore
Joy: No, they don’t split and divide by five. Actually, you can scramble your own novel so it is complete gibberish and then submit it for word count. Be really sure that you are saving a copy though–don’t scramble your original! *grin*
Really, this is not a test. The guys at NaNoWriMo put this out there as a creative exercise and for fun, and to raise some money for literacy charities. Cheating is encouraged because it stops us being so serious about ourselves. Have you read the book, “No Plot? No Problem?” It’s really helpful for getting the most out of the project.
Nov 23rd, 2007
Linda R. Moore
Diva: grin! That’s the spirit!
Nov 23rd, 2007
Linda R. Moore
CJMR: The whole point of this is that the story doesn’t have to be good. Somewhere in my novel is the germ of a long story, perhaps, but not a novel. This project is designed to help people quit being so controlling of their creativity, to teach them that just doing it is the point, never mind “being good”. I’m a good writer, but my novel is dismal. And I don’t care. It’s just very freeing to write the thing without expectations of an audience, publication or praise. :)
Nov 23rd, 2007
Linda R. Moore
Shiera: Go for it! It’s fun. (But it’s not a contest. There are no prizes for finishing first, and everyone who finishes is a winner.)
Nov 23rd, 2007
Linda R. Moore
Pussreboots: awesome! I look forward to reading them. :)
Btw, one book I would recommend is “The Publishing Game: Finding an Agent in 30 Days.” :)
Nov 23rd, 2007
Linda R. Moore
Thanks Aline :)
I’m glad you exist. ;)
Nov 23rd, 2007
Linda R. Moore
Joely: I had no illusions from the beginning that this story was going to be good. I switched genres mid-way and have been struggling with it. I just see it as a way to write without constraints and not to worry about who will see it. I write so much for an audience that it’s a joy to write for myself, even if (and especially if) it’s absolute drivel.
Just get the words out–you can edit and make it good later. :)
Nov 23rd, 2007
Linda R. Moore
Oh, and Joy: my last year’s novel was called “The Divine Comedy” :)
Nov 23rd, 2007
Kelly (1 comments.)
Awesome list! And considering I’m only halfway and this weekend is crunch time, I’ll probably help myself to some of these tips! I have a friend participating for the first time this year and we’ve exchanged many emails bemoaning our lack of progress, struggled with plot points, etc - I keep threatening to include those in my word count as well. I bet I could make that work …
Nov 23rd, 2007
pussreboots (156 comments.)
Thank you for the book recommendation.
Nov 23rd, 2007
Susan Helene Gottfried (21 comments.)
Oh, is that one funny list, Linda!
Nov 23rd, 2007
zenmomma (2 comments.)
I’m not doing NaNoWriMo because it would make me crazy! But I’m impressed by those who even give it a try. hooray for not taking it too seriously.
Nov 23rd, 2007
katster (14 comments.)
The entire coffeeshop menu.
Or you could just do like I did last night, and start going on about the listing of the dead. :) (It makes sense in the story, I swear…)
-kat
Nov 23rd, 2007
Babystepper (1 comments.)
I tried to start NaNoWriMo this year, but I got so disgusted with my boring main characters that I quit. I should’ve read this post first, I guess. =)
Nov 23rd, 2007
gridsleep
The ultimate cheat:
I could write a twenty-five line program that generates a file of over fifty-thousand random length strings of the letter ‘a’ in randomly sized paragraph format, and then feed that into the word counter. Voila. Instant nanowrimo winner.
Nov 24th, 2007
Linda R. Moore
Gridsleep: So could I, but that would be boring and not in the spirit of things.
Try reading “No Plot, No Problem” sometime, if you haven’t already.
Nov 24th, 2007
gridsleep
A: I’m not having any problem writing.
B: This whole “spirit” of this topic is about “outrageous cheats.” I supplied one as example. You shouldn’t assume it has anything to do with what I am doing in nanowrimo.
Nov 24th, 2007
Linda R. Moore
I’m assuming nothing, and nothing I wrote should lead you to believe that I am. You don’t know me well enough to guess at what I’m thinking.
I did not say that you were having any problem writing.
As to the spirit of “things”, I was referring to the spirit of NaNoWriMo, which is quite well encapsulated in “No Plot, No Problem”, and not the topic of cheating, which is also thoroughly encouraged in the same book and considered to be an exercise in letting go of control.
Enjoy your noveling.
Nov 24th, 2007
Glynes
I included the write-up for the back of the book jacket in my word count. And because my book is partly about the blues music, and composed some simply terrible blues lyrics … very long songs worth!
Nov 24th, 2007
Matthew James Didier (7 comments.)
Instead of saying “They went to New York” or “On the way to Toronto”…
They went to the city that never sleeps, New York, New York in the good ol’ United States of America.
On the way to Toronto, Ontario, Canada…”
Nov 25th, 2007
J. Lynne (35 comments.)
Tricks I used the year I won:
1.) I divided it into chapters and wrote “Chapter One: ” and gave each one an old-timey heading like “In Which She Discovers Meditation Is Unsettling”.
2.) I put a quote at the beginning of each chapter.
I also used the ones about not using apostrophes and full character names.
And remember, why say it with one word when you can say it with two?
Nov 26th, 2007
Linda R. Moore
Kelly: how’s it going now? Good luck!
Nov 28th, 2007
Linda R. Moore
Susan: *grin* I had fun with it. And finished my novel last night!!!
Nov 28th, 2007
Linda R. Moore
Zenmomma: thank you! I finished my novel last night; it was making me crazy. ;)
Nov 28th, 2007
Linda R. Moore
Katster: ooh, that’s a good one. :)
Bring out your dead! Bring out your dead! Bring out Auntie Mabel, Mr. Piggins, Little Miss Felicity…
Nov 28th, 2007
Linda R. Moore
Babystepper: boring characters can always be jazzed up with things like tattoos, odd eating habits, and the like. Better luck next time. :)
Nov 28th, 2007
Linda R. Moore
Glynes, heh, two birds with one stone! Good ideas.
Nov 28th, 2007
Linda R. Moore
Matthew: ooh, yes, I could easily have gotten a few more hundred words from that. I had my character on a mad dash around Nevada and California :)
Nov 28th, 2007
Linda R. Moore
Lynne: Those are cool ideas. Chapters the old-fashioned way. :)
Some one is listening to you :-P
Nov 28th, 2007
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