Raven's Roads
Living an interesting life: the travels and musings
of motorcycling author Linda R. Moore

I had occasion yesterday to sit for a long time staring at myself in the mirror. For years I had no full-length mirror to gauge what I looked like, and I actually think this contributed to the way the weight piled on. Obviously it piled on because I overate and undermoved, but I never noticed. Without the reality check of a mirror, I grew and grew.

Now, I have not one, but two full-length mirrors. I get a daily reality check. As noted previously I accept what I am, and I’m still glad that the weight is finally visibly going down. Seeing it is an encouragement.

But yesterday, staring into the mirror, I found myself almost hypnotized. With no books to read in the bathroom, I could stare myself in the face. I see myself getting older and there are still deep shadows under my eyes. I see the tangled hair. I see that I need to look after myself better, because it really is all downhill from here.

I’m just not in my twenties any more, and I’m not far from not being in my thirties. It makes me sad, somehow: a sadness that just cannot be fixed.

Mirrors offer the opportunity for contemplation. It’s not just about primping and admiring yourself, though that is a possibility as well. A mirror can be used to give yourself a message of approval and love. But staring yourself in the face, warts and all, can be difficult–and educational. It’s hard to ignore yourself when you’re right there in the mirror.

I’ve had times when I’ve refused even to look, when I’ve turned my head away. (I still can’t figure out why anyone would want a mirror directly in front of the loo.) Sometimes a mirror can send you a message of self-loathing, too, especially the starkly lit ones in fitting rooms at the store. They’re tricksy like that.

I catch sight of myself in other places: the chrome of my motorcycle, for example, or a shop window. These images distort, but they also serve to remind me that I am here.

But I guess I’m doing okay. I guess, in the end, I can stare myself in the face. My eyes are still nice. The rest could do a little work. And now that I’ve had a good look at the mirror, I can make some changes. Getting to bed earlier would be a very good start.

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